Even though I know no one will read this. I think I should just vomit this out. Yeah, so few days ago I heard that you've settled down. Like yes, married. Do you know how I felt at that moment? I cried so hard in my heart because I knew you. You're just slipped away from the right path and met the wrong person at the right time.

But at the same time, I was so sad because I'm not at your side to celebrate the most meaningful day of your life. I was so sad knowing about it not from your own mouth. It wasn't you who tell me "Hey buddy, I'm getting married!". I knew, there were still a boundary between us. Why?

I've been thinking why is this happening to us? Why am I wrong? I tried to recall. I thought maybe you're just mad at me because of my comment posting in your facebook last year? Just so you know, at the moment I was so stressed out that why are they mentioning me in an old post of yours? What are they trying to do? I knew you would ignore the post so I'm mad.

Just saying, if it is true that you're taking the comment as an offend, then I am guilty as you are. I admit I was wrong. Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to come home? It's been years! Years after you leave me and went with the 'alien'. Years after I apologized to you that I wanted you to come back.

I thought you would come back and find me, or at least the rest of your friends. But no. They're keep asking me "is she coming back?". I missed you a lot. Was it too hard to forgive me? I was trying to help you out, I thought you wanted to changed. I am ready to fight for you. I admit, I fight the wrong way. But it was never intended for you. Because I knew you too well. I would say, congratulation to the 'alien' for separating us for these few years and coming. I hope you're satisfy seeing me losing my own battle.

I was overthink of where am I wrong. Before I came across about the comment posting, I tried to recall that it wasn't me who walked away at the first place. It was you. No. I'm not trying to pass the blame baton for you. But just so you know, I cried when you leave me hanging alone waiting for you to come. I almost went back walking but I'm afraid you will be worried. That was the very first time you leave me. Can you recall where you were at that time? It wasn't the last time. I did asked for your help to help me out in my application to the university. And you refused saying you have some matter to do. I went alone, and saw you with the 'alien'. I cried. I cried while riding the motorcycle. That was the second time.

I never thought the third time would hurt me the most. The moment I told you I'm moving away. And you're moving too somewhere in the north region too. I gave you advises with hope you will change. If you recall, I did tell you "I am so worried, I had a bad instinct of leaving you at this time, I'm afraid you would fall back". It did happen. And that was the last time we ever had a deep conversation.

Then years after years, you're still not here. And I just saw the good news from the the only wall we had between us, facebook. At that moment, I knew I am no longer exist in you life. I pray that you will have a better life ahead. I'm here, giving up on you. Good bye, my used-to-be buddy. I loved you.

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